Finding Slowness Again
When most the country went on lockdown in late March of this year, my video production business, Flow Media, basically tanked. At least for a little while.
Financially, I’ll be fine, but this is the time of year when commercial video work would normally be ramping up. Instead, I’ve had a lot of open time to fill. When my schedule emptied out, it was somewhat maddening at first. What the heck do I do with myself all day? was a thought that consistently ate at me. At times it made me very anxious.
One answer I came up with was to pick up my camera and step outside. I started going for long walks out in nature every morning. Unless it was pouring down rain, every morning I went out and explored.
Reacquainting Myself
Over the past six weeks, these walks have helped reacquaint me with some things I had let slip from my life. The first and biggest on this list was the kind of slow, playful wandering that I haven’t really done for years. When I was a child, my mom nicknamed me “Space Cadet” because I was so prone to living with my head in the clouds, often forgetting everything I was supposed to be doing as I followed whatever curiosity had caught my interest. When I was older, I learned that my daily walk home from school was always an exercise in patience for her. She never knew when I was going to get home, because some distraction would inevitably lead me off on a tangent.
I’m sure she must have regularly encouraged me to speed up and just get home, but I don’t remember ever hearing that. (This was the early 80s when kids were often left to get themselves from place to place rather than being escorted everywhere by watchful adults.) Instead, I just got home whenever I got home.
Once I had my own children, I became the impatient adult. Slow, whimsical wandering was something I just didn’t feel like I ever had time to do. (Disclaimer: my wife might disagree.)
But now that I’ve had a taste of this pace, I really don’t have much desire to go back to life as usual. Of course I want to be active and engaged in my community. I want to do meaningful work. But I now realize that so much of what filled my time before COVID hit was stuff that actually wasn’t taking me toward a destination I care much about. It was more busy work than anything close to what one might describe as a calling or vocation.
A Chance for More Intention
Slowing down, having some empty time to wander and think, has also given me a chance to add more intention back into my life. It’s so easy to get stuck in a rut, to spend each day just doing what you’ve done before or what you think you’re supposed to do.
These days I’m spending more time thinking about what I want my life to include. I need room for quiet time, for solitude. I also need opportunities to create and collaborate with other artists. And not just for money, but to contribute meaningful messages to the world.
That’s a big part of why I’m reviving this website: as a way to add some of that intention back into my life. Owning a business these past four years has taught me a lot. But one important thing I’ve learned is that for me being a business owner is not an end in itself. It’s only valuable if it’s a means toward living a better life, making a more worthy contribution to the world.
When I helped start Flow, I found all kinds of people and resources ready to assist new business owners. When I took over as sole owner two years ago, I had a steep learning curve. I depended on others’ guidance and advice to make Flow more solid and sustainable. I’m so grateful for all the people who regularly give their time and talents to helping entrepreneurs.
But I think I also let the path of becoming a better business owner obscure the more important intentions I have for my life. In the pursuit of money and organizational development, I lost sight of my passion.
Like every trauma or disaster I’ve experienced in life, COVID has given me things to be thankful for even in the midst of uncertainty and anxiety.
I hope you find the same to be true in your life as you go through these difficult times. If not now, then some day soon.