The Illusion of Permanence; the Cost of Grasping; the Things I Try to Hold.
Reflecting on the damage to one of my favorite places.
I’m not a Buddhist.
I grew up squarely within the United Methodist tradition, which got it’s start in England as a small Episcopal reform movement in the late 18th century and eventually became a global denomination. However, by the time I was born, this church was already beginning its story of decline.
I wonder if my grandfather, who dedicated his life of ministry to The United Methodist Church, could possibly have guessed that his church might die before his grandchildren. You never know; it may last another 200+ years in some form, but right now the institution appears to be in an irreversible death spiral. It will never be what it once was.
Nothing Stays the Same
A couple months ago, I took this picture in Faulkes Heritage Woods. I marveled at how I could stand chest deep in ferns under a mature tree canopy in the middle of the city in Iowa, a state known more for decimating rather than preserving its natural habitat. This beautiful piece of land was a gift from one family to my community’s future generations: one place that might be protected from our habit of destructive change.
But some of the harm we’ve caused as a species is out of our hands. Global climate change is wreaking indiscriminate havoc, and even those places we’ve designated as protected are subject to weather extremes like the storm that ripped through Iowa last month. Maybe in another 100 years this patch of woodland will look like it did when I discovered it a few months ago. Probably not in my lifetime.
Last week we learned that Supreme Court justice Ruth Bader Ginsberg died at the age of 87, leaving just enough time for our insane president and gleefully hypocritical Republican senators to try to stack the court with one more conservative judge before the next president is sworn in.
Two nights ago my wife and I woke to a loud crash, then discovered that a giant branch had broken free from a tree and landed on our house. Then, last night I learned how at least two of the hundred plus year old oak trees in my yard (ones that had survived the storm) are actually damaged and rotten enough that they’ll need to be cut down.
Buddha Got Some Things Right
I grew up Christian. and that history still shapes me more than any other religious tradition. When I was in college I studied other religions. These days I would mostly call myself a skeptic. I have trouble fully buying into most religious “truths”. But that doesn’t mean I can’t see the truth in them.
For example, it’s pretty hard for me to give up the idea of self. But I will say the Buddhists do us all a service when they remind us that nothing in this life is permanent. The longer I live, the more this world confirms this truth: the only constant is change.
The Cost of Grasping
It’s comforting to believe that some things never change. Until we find out how wrong that belief is, how damaging it can be to fall for the illusion of permanence. Buddhism asserts that our desire, our grasping for those things we want, or the things we believe we possess and don’t want to lose, is the root of suffering.
2020 has been a year that teaches us the cost of grasping, of making plans, of wanting life to be predictable and solid. Even the most basic traditions of gathering as families or in communities for days of remembrance or celebration have become fraught with danger. We literally are discouraged from grasping anything right now!
The Gift of Letting Go
I mourn the loss of these beautiful trees surrounding my home and throughout my city (at least 60% of the tree canopy now gone). I am fearful of what may come to pass as a result of cancer robbing our hero Ruth Bader Ginsberg’s ability to grasp onto life for just a few more months. I worry about what will come of this world that keeps heating up because of our addiction to consumption and growth at all costs.
I am not an overly materialistic or ambitious person. I recognize that neither objects nor accomplishments bring true happiness. But I also see plainly that the desire for things I do not have (or for situations I don’t have the power to realize) is a constant underlying source of suffering that I can’t ever quite shake.
There are definitely times it would be easy to fall into despair. Who am I kidding? Times I have fallen into despair.
But here’s the great gift of impermanence. Those feelings never last. Like the old Persian saying goes, “This, too, shall pass.”
Personally, I am a fairly impulsive person. Consistency is something I struggle with almost every day. I’m also plagued by forgetfulness. It has taken me many years to build systems and structures around myself that enable me to be even half as reliable as my wife. It can be incredibly frustrating!
But one thing I can do? Adapt and change. I can let go of what used to be or what I thought might be, or what others say has to be. And that letting go allows me to be happy. It enables me to remember that nothing lasts forever.
The Impossible Happens All the Time
Supposedly, Jesus rose from the dead. Even if you don’t think that’s historically accurate (I have my own doubts), the fact is many of his followers believed it was true. True enough that instead of Rome killing off an insurrection by executing its charismatic leader, they sparked a movement that outlasted the empire by more than a thousand years. Who could have seen that coming?
In March of 1933, the same month Ruth Bader Ginsberg was born, Franklin Delano Roosevelt became president. He served for twelve years and appointed eight Supreme Court justices, completely transforming the court. Before FDR, the court was a bastion of traditionalism, blocking many legislative attempts at progressive change. Today we think of the court as an institution that desegregated schools, advanced equal rights for women (aided by a young RBG), and legalized gay marriage. It may be that we are witnessing the end of an era. Perhaps Trump and McConnell and other Republicans will successfully stack the court to once again become an obstacle of progressive change.
No doubt that could cause a lot of needless suffering. Maybe we’ll even witness the undoing of America. Some say it’s already under way. The impossible happens all the time.
One more example. Today, before I sat down to revise this post, I read this article (The Sunny Side of the Derecho: Ecological Advantages) by Jean Wiedenheft, Director of Land Stewardship at Indian Creek Nature Center. While describing the ecological benefits of the derecho’s destruction, she says, “What the derecho did in 45 minutes I couldn’t do in a lifetime of chainsaw running.”
I remember being thankful for the changes we saw in Cedar Rapids after the massive flood of 2008. Maybe someday I’ll feel the same way about the derecho of 2020.
What Do We Hold Onto?
Don’t get me wrong. I’m a dreamer. I think it’s a good and healthy process to imagine the future we want, and then work toward making that vision a reality. However, whether you’re a Buddhist who believes in remaining unattached to desired outcomes or a Christian who “lets go and lets God”, there is a huge value in flexibility.
But as a realistic human, I know we all want something to hold onto. So, what should those things be? Here are a few essential ones for me (not listed in order of importance).
Peace-giving Practices - you know as well as I do that there are some things in life that give you peace and others that cause distress. It helps me to identify the things that bring me peace (like nature photography) and make sure I balance the challenging parts of life with enough peace-giving practices.
Loving Relationships - I think it’s important to be more specific than just saying hold onto “love” as an abstract idea or a feeling. For me, love is expressed in relationships that deepen over time. I can feel love in a moment, but it takes a lifetime to learn the practice of love. In my own life, I’ve grown to understand that no matter how many “friends” I have, I really only have the capacity to maintain a handful of deep relationships. That’s where I find it most important to put my energy.
Physical Activities - Move it or lose it is a phrase I am becoming more and more familiar with as I enter my mid-life. The more I remember to move my body, the more I enjoy it.
Gratitude - for me the memory of good times, of blessings that I’ve received, can sometimes help carry me through those periods I feel like the world is against me. It doesn’t always work. (I really wish it did.) But I can’t think of a single time when practicing gratitude has had negative consequences for me.
Purpose - I believe you can let go of the need to control but still live with a sense of direction. I don’t always know exactly where I want my life to go, what path I want my career to take, etc. I’ve had many surprises along the way. But I do know what values guide me. I know some of the gifts I was born with and the skills I’ve developed. I know I want to be generous with what I was given and true to who I am, no matter what path my life takes. Even when the map changes, I have those stars to guide me.
Hope - Maybe it’s due to my forgetfulness, or my privileged place as a White male in America, but somehow I’ve ended up as a person who can be both critically realistic and also optimistic, a skeptic who can still believe in a better future. I know the world is pretty shitty at times, but somehow I carry around this rather irrational belief that things will work out. Call it delusion, but holding onto a sense of hope has helped me weather some tough times.
One Last Thing
Thanks for reading this. I know it meandered a bit, but I hope it was thought provoking. If you have any thoughts about what you read, or even if you just want to say hi, please send me a note!